Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind

In my humble life, I have come surprisingly close to lots of famous people, including Presidents, politicians, movie stars, sports heroes, and outlaws. When I say close, I mean I was in close verbal or physical proximity, but actually didn’t meet them.

However, some of my brushes with famous people have been embarrassing. Here are three of my most memorable Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind.

In a Case of Mistaken Identity, I Was a Dud

I was a student at Cal State Los Angeles in the early Eighties when the movie Six Weeks, starring Mary Tyler Moore and Dudley Moore, was being filmed on the campus. Intrigued by all the unusual lights, camera and action commotion, I worked my way in close to watch Mary Tyler Moore filming a scene.

When the Director yelled “cut,” I suddenly noticed that someone on the set was waving his arms, trying to get my attention. At first, I just ignored him, unable to imagine any scenario in which someone working on that film would be waving at me. However, every time I glanced at him, he waved even more excitedly, gesturing for me to come through the crowd barrier to join him on the set. I was even more dumbfounded when I suddenly realized this man was the actor and star of the film, Dudley Moore. By his reaction and the look on his face, he obviously thought he knew me and couldn’t understand why I was avoiding him. I must have been a dead ringer for whoever he thought I was because he looked confused and possibly miffed that I kept trying to ignore him.

What was I supposed to do? If I hopped over the barricade onto the set, he would immediately know I wasn’t who he thought I was, which would embarrass me. So I just stood there paralyzed, afraid to move, terrified he might actually approach me, which also embarrassed me.

After much persistence, Dudley Moore finally gave up trying to get my attention and as soon as he turned his back, I fled.

That Would Be George W

When I worked in television production in the Eighties, I was answering the phones for television network legend Fred Silverman, when I received an interesting and unexpected phone call.

“Fred Silverman’s office,” I said, exercising utmost professionalism.

“The Vice President is calling for Mr. Silverman,” a woman’s voice informed me.

Somewhat irritated at this vague announcement, and clearly needing more details, I quickly responded with a pointed question.

“Vice President of WHAT?” I asked.

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

“The UNITED STATES,” she said.

Pants on Fire

Several years ago, I stood six feet away from the world’s soon-to-be most infamous cyclist as he rode past me on street in Pittsburgh. This was before his epic fall from grace in sports and society for cheating his way to the top step of the Tour de France podium seven times. But at the time, he was still the revered, larger than life, Lance “Livestrong” Armstrong, participating in a multi-city/state charity ride.

Though I only caught a two-second glimpse of him as he rode by, what surprised me most was that when dressed in tight spandex and hunched over his handlebars, he looked surprisingly puny? I was such a big Lance believer, I felt kind of disappointed that he was not as big, bold and larger than life, as I had expected.  I even thought that if he was willing to arm wrestle me, I could probably flip him like I used to flip my older brother during a brief adolescent period when I was slightly bigger and stronger than my asthmatic brother.

Of course, since the not-so-humble Lance finally admitted to Queen Oprah that his pants indeed should be on fire, I am still eager to flip him with my middle-aged mom arm.

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As always, I would love to hear about your own Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind. Feel free to share in the Comments!

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