John Waters, the famous writer and director of twisted, weird films, once wrote an essay in which he described Brussels sprouts as “little balls of hell.” I laughed for three days after I read that essay, and the next time I went to the supermarket, I bought a bag of Brussels sprouts.
I had never eaten a Brussels sprout before. My prim, proper mother never served Brussels sprouts to me or my siblings because she didn’t like them, although, with her deep religious sensibilities, she would have probably would have chosen to describe them as “little balls of heck.”
So I was intrigued. What was it about this cruciferous vegetable that could evoke nightmarish thoughts of heck and damnation? I studied the little round balls in the bag. They looked harmless enough, although they appeared to be hard, solid and of the right size to hit with a golf club. I trusted that boiling would soften them up.
It’s a good thing that all I needed to cook Brussels sprouts was water and salt, because, at the time, that’s about all I had in my sparse first-apartment-after-college. I don’t know how long I boiled them, but eventually I was able to pierce them with a knife and drain the water.
I sliced one open, noting that the innards of a Brussels sprout looked just like a miniature cabbage. I stabbed a piece with my fork and nibbled on it. Interesting… it didn’t taste much different than cabbage or another cruciferous vegetable familiar to me, broccoli. I sprinkled a little salt on the rest and ate them.
I didn’t think Brussels sprouts were “little balls of hell,” like John Waters said. Maybe they were closer to cruciferous purgatory, like other vegetables were to me at the time.
Some years later, when I had a family of my own, I occasionally served Brussels sprouts to my sons.
I just asked my older son if he liked them.
“Yeah,” he replied, “depending on how they’re prepared.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“As long as they’re boiled long enough so they’re not hard, and they have a little bit of salt,” he said.
I guess my recipe never changed.
***
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/34756977@N00/365143468″>Little green balls of death</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>