If you can barely navigate 2 minutes in Facebook before succumbing to the temptation of taking a ridiculous, tantalizing quiz that promises to reveal what cheese you are (Gouda), what children’s book character you are (Curious George), and what state you should really live in (West Virginia? What?!) then you, like me, are BUZZ FED.
I love Buzzfeed quizzes. Not because they tell me anything really accurate or important about myself, but because they are they are so stupid, clever, and funny that I would love to sit in a room with all the Buzzfeed Quiz-Maker Gurus and help them brainstorm to concoct even more stupid, clever and funny quizzes to flood billions of Facebook timelines.
Although I was very pleased to learn that Humanitarian is the career I should actually have, I think I could also rock the Buzzfeed Quiz-Maker world. For at least a day… and then I think the effort would take more coffee and less sleep than I could ever survive on. But boy, it would be fun while it lasted.
Since I’ve wasted the last 2 hours taking Buzzfeed quizzes and laughing my head off, I want to share the highlights of my….uh…let’s call it “research.”
- Whose Butt Are You?
Seriously. After picking underwear, declaring “fanny” to be my favorite backside name, choosing an egg as my favorite “crack” and taking a stab in the dark on my signature dance move because I had no idea what the selections were, the Buzzfeed Quiz-Maker Gurus determined that I best represent the butt of… IGGY AZALEA. (Please don’t tell the Buzzfeed Quiz-Maker Gurus that I had to Google “Iggy Azalea” to see a visual of what kind of a butt I am.)
- What Song Should You Play on Repeat This Weekend?
After a series of questions about weekend plans, music genres, emojis(?) and a favorite drink, it seems that I should play “Sun Daze” by Florida Georgia Line all weekend. I beg to disagree, because after selecting the Dixie Chicks “Cowboy Take Me Away” as my favorite 90’s classic, all I want to do is play the Chicks all weekend.
- Do You Know What Your Favorite NPR Hosts Actually Look Like?
I killed this quiz. I mean, I only missed two (I’m sorry Steve Inskeep and Melissa Block) even though I had no idea what half of the hosts really looked like. And that little stunt the Gurus pulled didn’t work. Don’t even try to fake me out by suggesting Garrison Keillor might be Bob Garfield from “On the Media.”
- How Well Do You Know the Lyrics to Taylor Swift’s “1989?”
Had to pass on this quiz because I can safely say I don’t know ANY of the lyrics to “1989.”
And here’s my favorite quiz…
- How Tough Are You Actually?
Some of my answers: Extreme sport – snowboarding. Dog – black lab. Dream job – journalist. Dream vacation – Backcountry hiking. What does it take for you to flinch – Getting stung by a jellyfish. And guess what I am according to the Gurus? A TOUGH COOKIE! Tough, but also soft, crumbly and delicious. The BEST combination, the Gurus say.
And maybe even better because, as you know, I AM IGGY AZALEA’S BUTT!
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Ann K. Howley is the award-winning author of Confessions of a Do-Gooder Gone Bad.
Please visit her website at http://annkhowley.com/#about-ann