I have a long history of misunderstanding things.
For example, as a teenager I spent a summer working in the day care at a summer camp and took care of a 5-year old boy named Jesus. Growing up in Southern California, where a large proportion of the population in my own high school spoke Spanish, I should have known that this boy was named HAY-SOOS. But for that entire week at summer camp, I called him GEE-ZUS, like…you know…the Son of God. Though I wondered all week why that preschooler kept looking at me like I was crazy, it never occurred to me that it was because his sweet Mexican mother would never have been so presumptuous to call her son GEE-ZUS, like… you know… the Son of God. I should have known better, but I’m a very literal person. Some things kind of stick in my brain and don’t easily go away. Once I think and visualize something wrong, it can take a long time to right it in my head. I am not proud of this fault. If only I could learn to THINK before I THINK, maybe I could save myself from all those “DUH” moments and episodes of periodic public embarrassment. But anyway, here are some of my own personal zingers that, at the very least, eventually made me laugh really hard.
- Heavenly Health Problems
“All hail the power of Jesus name, let angels prostate fall.”
- Wasting Away Again
“…in Margaritaville, looking for my lost jigger and saw…”
- Poor Benny
“She’s got electric boobs and sour shoes…”
- Fried Pilgrims
“…land where my fathers died, land where the Pilgrims fried, from every mountainside…”
- Who Exactly Did I Pledge My Allegiance To?
“…and to the Republic, for Richard Stands…”
If you have your own personal zingers, please feel free to share them in the comments section.
I promise to laugh really hard.
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Please visit my website at http://annkhowley.com/#about-ann
2 Comments
WHEN MY SON, mITCHELL, WAS SMALL, HE LOVED SINGING “oLD MACDONALD.” oNE DAY I SAID, “bOY, OLD MACDONALD SURE HAS A LOT OF ANIMALS!” MITCH RESPONDED WITH A FROWN, “HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY ANIMALS. OLD MACDONALD JUST HAS A FARM. OMMY FOMMY IS THE ONE WITH ALL THE ANIMALS!” AND THEN HE SANG VERY CLEARLY,
“OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM, E-I-E-I-O. AND OMMY FOMMY HAD A COW, E-I-E-I-O”
THIS ONE HAS A PLACE OF HONOR IN MY “MITCHELLISMS” JOURNAL!
OMMY FOMMY – oh my gosh! I love it! Thanks Judy!