It happens every year.
I wake up on April 1st completely aware that it is April 1st, yet completely incognizant of the fact that it’s April Fools Day. I never expect it. If you want to fool somebody, I am the perfect target because it is not in my nature to distrust. If you look me in the eye and tell me something with a straight face, there is a 95% chance that I’ll believe you. I give myself a 5% chance that I will immediately recognize the ruse because sometimes I do happen to catch the devilish gleam in your eye. (I have to admit that my devilish gleam recognition skills improved significantly during my child-rearing days.)
Nonetheless, I’m still embarrassingly gullible.
This morning, I turned on my computer and thought my mouse was broken because the little arrow stayed fixated in one spot on my computer screen and didn’t budge, no matter how I moved, wiggled and rebooted my computer. It never occurred to me to look at the bottom of my mouse where someone had deliberately taped a little piece of paper over that sensitive rolling ball that miraculously moves me through cyberspace. I know it was deliberate because the little piece of paper had the words “April Fools” typed on it.
But even after that early morning April Fools wake up call, I still started to and almost believed the following:
- My publisher cut a big, freakin’ deal with Simon & Schuster.
- My brother and sister in law, who just bought a house in Texas, suddenly decided to move back to Michigan.
- A study proves that bacon prolongs life.
Okay, when I read that all the Oak Tree Press authors would be assigned to head their own division at Simon & Schuster, I laughed in the spirit of tomfoolery and got the joke. Unfortunately, it took me much longer than it should have to realize that Tommy and Terri were NOT moving again.
But the bacon thing might be true. I mean, it looks like a legitimate news story. But what if it’s not? What if everyone falls into a frenzy of excitement to think that now we can eat as much salty fat as we want because it’s good for us, only to discover that Little Caesars conducted the study to convince everyone it’s okay to eat their new Bacon-Wrapped-Crust-Deep-Dish-Pizza.
I haven’t eaten bacon in a long time, but HOLY HECK, that pizza sure looks good in those TV commercials. If I had any less willpower, I’d probably call my husband, tell him I’m going to “bring home the bacon,” and then sing like Peggy Lee.
The point is, no matter how much I want to believe that bacon has the power to preserve me for a few more years, I just can’t trust the timing of the story. After all, it is April Fools Day.
But I do have one request.
Try me again next year.
***
Ann K. Howley is the award-winning author of Confessions of a Do-Gooder Gone Bad.
Please visit her website at http://annkhowley.com/#about-ann
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/39160147@N03/15052761416″>Little Caesar’s Pizza</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>