This is a real text conversation I had with my stepson, who was called in to settle a dispute between my husband and I as to whether certain cars were deliberately designed to resemble specific parts of the human anatomy. I have long suspected that some vehicular makes and models could only have hit the drawing board after male engineers spent long nights at bars celebrating a communal love of beef, beer and cigars. My husband, a gentler, less cynical sort, refused to believe it. So, as we did our bi-weekly shopping at Sam’s Club, we called upon scholarly Michael, who is handy when it comes to useless trivia, to perform the research necessary to determine whether this was or was not true.
The following dialogue has been slightly edited, so as not to offend. But no matter how you present it, it’s still hilarious.
Michael: (1/2) 1961 Jaguar E-Type, at the time and often since, has been called “the most beautiful car ever made” (Enzo Ferrari). It has also been described by several
Michael: (2/2) publications, including a New York Times architecture and design critic in 1996, as shaped like an engorged P-word.
Michael: And yes, many people have often remarked that the vertical grill on the Edsel looked like a V-word.
Me: I believe the design was intentional. Back me up here.
Michael: Probably impossible to prove, but it fit in nicely with the narrative of the sexual revolution in Britain in the sixties.
Michael: But from what I can find, of all the P-wordy cars ever made, that one is considered the P-wordiest.
Michael: Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go set fire to my phone.
Me: I’m saving these texts FOREVER. But it was hard to read it aloud in Sam’s Club.
Michael: I think that’s a fair trade.
Me: And congrats on using 2 words I never thought possible to use in one sentence.
Michael: Beautiful and P-word or P-wordy and P-wordiest?
Michael: Also it’s really hard to type on a flaming phone.
Me: With those 4 words, you just set the gold standard for disturbing sentence structure.
Michael: I consider it my greatest achievement.
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