About ten years ago, I received a disturbing letter in the mail. I didn’t recognize the name of the sender, but because the salutation said “Dear Member of Blah-Dee-Blah Parish,” I understood this to be a form letter sent to everyone at the very large Blah-Dee-Blah Parish, of which I was a member.
Here is the gist of the letter, which I will paraphrase in first person.
“I am the father of a fabulous daughter who is so excessively smart and dazzling, she is way beyond above every middle school student who has ever lived. She now has an opportunity to travel to a foreign land this summer to participate in a program that will make her even more smart and dazzling (if that’s even possible.) Please send money ASAP so she can achieve her destiny of dazzling the world with her incredible smartness and fabulousness.”
Now, if every member of Blah-Dee-Blah Parish sent $1, that girl could have raised enough money to attend this program in a foreign land and even have enough money to fly home every weekend to visit her doting father.
This letter appalled me. It’s not that I didn’t believe him. Maybe his daughter was the only 100 watt bulb amidst the less brilliant 40 and 60 wattages at the local middle school. But in that entire letter, not once did Dear Ol’ Dad indicate that his daughter should… oh, let’s say… wash a car or bake a batch of brownies… to earn a donation. Nope. Just send a check, for no other reason than his daughter was obviously a spoiled princess who had been taught that it’s okay to beg because everyone in the world should be honored to fund her dang Greatness.
Poor girl.
Remember when kids used to set up a card table and sell lemonade in Dixie cups, cut the neighbor’s grass, deliver newspapers, or walk a dog to raise money?
Maybe the world has changed. Maybe I’m old fashioned. But I have no respect for able-bodied begging.
It’s a trend. Now when you walk out of Walmart, kids with cans are always asking for donations to pay for their cheerleading, volleyball or chess club activities. For heaven’s sake, can’t they even take the time to put a couple of cookies in a Baggie for your money?
Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem supporting organizations like the Salvation Army, who also sends fundraisers to stand outside stores and ring a bell to get you to drop a few dollars in their kettle. I am happy to give money to the Penn State students who wander in between cars at stop lights and ask for donations for Thon, the largest student-run philanthropy in the world, that raises money to help kids with cancer.
The difference is these people are “begging” to help those who legitimately need help, and not for their own personal gain. If that little old lady who rings the bell every Christmas was actually saving up for a Caribbean cruise because, darn it, she deserves to take a vacation, would you still stuff a buck in her kettle?
I’m probably in the minority because people are generous and have good hearts. And maybe they never got a letter addressed to “Member of the Blah-Dee-Blah Parish.”
I hope that daughter was smart enough to realize that the world doesn’t actually revolve around her. I also hope the shock of this realization didn’t derail her destiny of dazzling the world.
My greatest hope, though, is that if she ever has kids someday, she would teach them to not only think beyond themselves, but buy Dixie cups and set up a card table.
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4 Comments
I have thought the same thing. It’s not giving to the needy, it’s giving to the want-y. And we must teach our kids to earn their expensive wants (which may sometimes be what their parents want for them even more than they want for themselves).
Nancy, I love how you put it – giving to the “want-y.” That perfectly describes it!
Well said, Ann.
also, i am amazed that the church let the father use their database.
That really bothered me, too, Gisela. I have no idea if he did it with permission, or just hijacked the church directory on his own. No matter what, it was totally inappropriate and offended me enough that I’m still ranting about it many years later!